Why Did He Break Up With Me? Excerpt
herstory of marriage and love addiction
In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic
love you want the other person. —
Margaret Anderson
What do you do when the only person that can stop your tears
was the one that made you cry? — Unknown
By Sade
it
was my twenty fifth birthday when my husband left me— his
pregnant wife—and two children. It was September 24, 1980. “I need to find myself, I need some time,” he
said. I was dazed. I was so in love with him I wanted him to do whatever he needed to do to get his head on straight. He wrapped
his clothes in a green paisley sheet, hurled them into the back of our brand new red Cordova sedan and sped off. I sat down
at the dining table, stunned. There was no build up to the break up. No warning. I trusted this man to be there and he just
walked out of our home just like in the movies. It was a house we were renting to own. Damn, I was too scared to be mad. Later
that night I kept returning to the window to see if he’d come back. He hadn’t.
I took all the knives in
the house downstairs to the basement, as a precautionary measure. I didn’t trust myself. I don’t know how I came
to be that sane in such an insane situation. I knew I wanted time to think, to push everything far away from me. I was in
a daze for months. I never worked before so I wasn’t prepared financially. It was cold as hell the next couple of months
and I had no heat, so I used the gas. Luckily, it was still on. I blocked off the kitchen with a blanket so the heat would
rise up to the second floor to keep my kids warm.
I finally told my parents
that Wayne had left me. My dad, who was 74 years old, was fiery mad to see me trying to stay warm by the kitchen stove. I
use his famous words when I recount my story to others, he said, “Gal, you are on love and need to come home and
detox.” Yes, that’s right, a 74-year-old man describing his daughter as being on
love, an addict who would do anything to stay in a relationship. I mean, how on time was he to tell me that what I needed
was a detox from love? I thought I was in a healthy relationship because my man put the key in the door every night. I was
very naive to have that kind of trust.
During this time I had the
first of many court cases. I saw a hearing officer who set the terms of the child support order at $400 a month.
While at my
parents’ my father resorted to his brand of therapy, tough love. He would bark things like, “How do you spell
MAN?” Then he’d add, “That’s right, you haven’t seen that many to tell the difference.
Real witty, my dad was. Yet, all I could think was, “Why did he leave? What did I do?” While staying
with my parents I found out he’d gone to his mom’s. My dad wanted me to see what my husband was made of so he
insisted that I take our children over to stay with their dad’s mom. I agreed. I placed the kids on the porch with their
little suitcases, rang the door bell and rushed back to the car. I still remember their little faces, how they looked at me
with those mommy-don’t-leave-me eyes. In tears, I pleaded with my father not to leave them. My dad insisted that I would
miss out on a learning opportunity if I never found out what Wayne was really made of; that is, I get to see if my husband’s
father instincts would kick in. My dad even laughed at the thought of the kids being back at his house before we even got
back there.
To read more of Sade's story, the stories of other women, DeBora's breakup stories,
insights, antedotes and much, much more about love, loss and letting go...stay tuned for the release of Why Did He Break Up With Me?
